BLOGMAS Day 12 : The L’s I took this year

Even as I am writing this, I am having second thoughts on whether I should put this out there. Like what business do I have sharing this with the world but I hope in some way it shows someone that with the motions of life come disappointments and it’s absolutely normal.

Here are my big ones :

Unmet financial goals

I start with this because perhaps it’s the most painful for me? I don’t know. But I would say that for me, this year hasn’t really been my best financially. Granted that along the way things did pick up for me a bit, but it still hasn’t been enough for me to meet some of my financial goals.

And with this I specifically mean I haven’t really saved or invested as much as I would have wanted. Also as a result I haven’t really been able to afford a bunch of trips that I would have wanted to do this year and I think I’m just gonna cry now.

That said, I really feel like my situation will be much better next year. There’s just something in the air that makes me feel like better days are coming for me at least on this front.

Did not get admitted to an LLM program I wanted

This one is related to rejection. Like the average person, I have received my share of rejections when applying for jobs or just other opportunities but I specifically want to talk about the one when I applied for an LLM program.

It hurt a lot! It was the first time I officially applied for any opportunity to advance my studies and whew! Right from the onset, I wondered how I would take it if I wasn’t accepted and also whether after a rejection I would still be motivated to apply elsewhere. It already took so much for me to request for reference letters and the thought of having to possibly do that again really killed me. Because it would mean in a way having to admit that I had “failed” and yoooh!

Anyway, it did happen. Did I already jinx myself or was something internally just cushioning me? I don’t know. But I remember waking up one morning, checking my email and finding that rejection. The worst part is that the outcome of my application was not even mentioned in the body of the email. I had to read a letter that had been attached to know my fate.

The second worst part was that the email was sent early morning, 5 am EAT and 4 am their time. So I was like, someone was really up that early just “ruining” my life. I really thought I was such a good fit and I went from feeling sad to feeling sorry for them and wondering, so who exactly were they choosing over me? Like, come on!

At the moment I think I feel okay. As for next year, I don’t know if I would try again at the same place or just somewhere else and something even totally unrelated. Who knows?

There are also other things that I would not call L’s per se, but there are promises I didn’t keep to myself this year. For example, I wanted to get my DL but I have not made any attempt at even just scouting for a driving school. I wanted to blog consistently this year but I kept on trashing my drafts because I felt I was being too vulnerable or I was writing consistently about one thing but now when I think of it, there wouldn’t have been anything wrong with that. If something is predominantly at the centre of my life at the moment, it’s perfectly normal if that is all I can think of writing about because after all, it’s what is keeping my mind preoccupied.

I will be doing a post where I also share some of my W’s this year so be on the lookout for that! Balance, I guess?

Catch you tomorrow for day 13!


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