Okay, this might sound repetitive but I am honestly grateful that I have had moments of gratitude this year. Moments that I actually felt that there was something I would be grateful for, would be thankful for, genuinely and honestly from the bottom of my heart.
I started this year intentionally writing gratitude notes in a jar just whenever anything would happen for me or for my loved ones. Initially, when I started I would just mostly write about the things that were going right for me. So for instance, if I was called in for an interview, that would be a point of gratitude for me. If I managed to secure a position in a certain program, that would be another point of gratitude.
Interestingly enough, along the way, I also started writing thank you when things didn’t work out. I developed this mindset of, if something is not meant for me I do not want it and I want that to be clear to me as early as possible. So whenever I would get a rejection immediately I will just be so grateful. (after the crying of course lol). Like, thank you I did not have to toil and go for this interview maybe to end up being disappointed. Just notes along those lines.
Now just reading those notes I just feel very emotional to just see the growth so far this year I just can’t even explain just how much that has impacted me. It’s definitely something I’m going to carry with me through next year.
And also just beyond me writing these gratitude notes, I just feel very grateful that in some way I felt like I managed to grow certain parts of me that had been neglected. I have always known with certainty that I am a crier. I literally just cry a lot you know when things affect me. One of my default reactions is always to cry but most of the time I don’t really do it in the presence of people, especially a group. However this year, I just managed to somehow feel at ease enough to just be honest and just cry and bare my soul out when I was with a certain group of my friends; my sisters really, and for me, that is honestly one of those things that is so significant for me this year. I’m just grateful that I managed to get to that point of vulnerability with them.
Not that there’s any pressure to you know, probably to get to this point with other people in your life or whatever but for me, it was just such a good step forward because you know they are people I already love so just to allow myself to lower my guard and just be free and at ease was just amazing.
I literally think it’s like almost similar to someone who is so used to doing everything alone asking for help. It’s a big deal.
I also feel very grateful for my life and just how things have unfolded. I do have moments where I feel despair or feel like things are literally just not working out or I am just you know between a rock and a hard place but I’m grateful that despite all that I have somehow made it to the end of this year.
I am grateful that more and more, I am learning to compare myself with others less. That I have been able to build confidence in my own process, and on my own journey and just trust that whatever is good for me will happen and when it does I will be deserving of it and not doubt it or feel that I am unworthy of it.
I don’t know how to put this exactly but I’ll try.
The thing is when comparison stops you realize that the answers to a lot of questions you had or thought, regarding your life, will be different. You see, when you’re comparing yourself to someone else there’s usually an urge to also go on ahead to do the exact things that they have done because you believe that is what will lead you to where they are.
But when you stop comparing you start asking yourself, do I really want to be where they are? What would my ideal look like? And if this ideal of mine is specific to me, is there really any possibility that it is the same as their reality? And so because they are different why would I want to do the same thing that they did to get to where they are ( not my ideal place )?
Maybe this is also specific to me but it’s one of those things that I feel has become apparent this year for me. I no longer feel any pressure to do things that are expected of me or that my next step should be something that follows a certain procedure etc.
It’s just literally so good to just live your life in a way that’s fulfilling for you without the distraction of what is happening in others’. To be quite honest I hope this continues to be the case for me even in the coming years because I just know this will definitely lead me to where I need to be and in my head, I can really just envision just how beautiful that will be for me.
I am really grateful for this realization.
I know with just a bit more time I would find a lot more things to share that have been my moments of gratitude this year but I will just end it at this and prompt you to think about some of yours through this year.
Sometimes I think we belittle things so much that we don’t realize how significant they have been for us, for our mental state for our being, just literally for the whole essence of who we are. So if you think there is nothing to be grateful for, maybe rethink.
Thank you so much for reading today’s post. I’ll catch you again tomorrow for BLOGMAS Day 24. The Christmas Eve edition is literally just about to be here in a few and so is my birthday!
PS : Here’s the audio version for this post !
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